Brb

You can't resurrect without death

I been quiet on here, I’ve been quiet on the internet…well for me at least.

I’ve been thinking a lot, I usually do but maybe more considered this time and more considered about what I want to share. I’m an over-sharer whcih doesn’t bother me, it serves me as a form of expression and connection but lately though I’ve been thinking a lot about how overwhelmed I get with the bombardment of information online. Reels, writing, of images, ads, promotions, content sooo much content. Non. fucking. stop. And liike forgive me for assuming but surely I’m not the only one who feels this way.

And that’s not to blame anyone or any of us on here, I’m just stating a reality. I’m not even necessarily against it but I realise I have a choice or more power in deciding how to respond to it.

It’s a double-edge sword cause I enjoy consuming as much as I sometimes despise it. Even the creative shit.

I love/hate it on the internet.

So anyway hyper content culture coupled with my nature has lead to my death. I will return sometime I’m sure but admit I’m ahead of the trend and that maybe slower, more thoughtfully considered production / creativity has greater value.

What manifests from my mind is not a pre-made meal that is convenient but taste’s like dogshit. I make delicacies from scratch. My shit is a pretentious luxury because I want to make consciously and not for the sake of making.

(I will admit though that the downside I observe in myself is overthinking to the point of debilitation, but with practice I hope to refine this skill and overcome that block).

My art is not Shein, I am not for easy mass consumption. Yeah fucking oath I undeniably want my bag $, but I don’t create or share shit with that sole intention.

I predict that in time we come full circle when we finally come to terms with the fact that we cannot sustain our current approach to living. I’m sure there’s already statistical evidence on that but ngl I cbf looking that up rn. I lied, I just did cause I felt kinda curious and one of the first things that came up was this BBC transcript of a discussion regarding this. I guess the idea is in the talks. We’re gonna get so Amish with, just you wait!

I’m jokiiinggggggggg

I’m aware that for some time now there’s been discourse around slow production, I just think that we have really hit a point or are hitting a point of no return other than getting to the finish line and starting again, but this time better equipped and recognising it was never even a race in the first place.

So yeah I refuse to produce out of my own self imposed pressure and insecurities or the assumed and anticipated external pressures. I will come alive when I want to or am called to but then go back under ground when I’m ready again to rot.

Buried underground I will continue to fight my fears and shameful insecuirty of being ‘forgotten’, but I risk this fate with the prospect that when I do eventually create and share something it will be valued highly and hopefully something that can be discerned from the masses.

I notice an irony in my mind and behaviour: I try hard, admittedly sometimes too hard and yet I maintain a belief or desire that I don’t actually want to have to prove myself or more like beg for someone to look at me because that would not be ultimately gratifying anyway. I’m not going to beg someone to care, they do or they don’t. I only hope that the work itself will do that for me, that ideally the work is the message and I’m just the messenger.

g2g and brb x

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